Reach the sky;

Monday, July 06, 2009

Today, met up with the EL juniors, there were 4 generations of EL peeps present hahha. Had a great lunch at Astons, and since there were seven of us, the waiter/waitress/cook kept making mistakes with our side dishes, hence we had free ones woohoo!

After an immensely satisfying lunch, we proceeded to starbucks to chillll. Chris, aka The Oracle brought his tarot cards and gave each of us an open reading. It was interesting to watch everyone's expression and when it came to my turn... well, for most parts it was creepily true.

First, I would like to say that Im not extremely religious. My parents are buddhists and hence by default so am I, but.. I dont really believe in it? If I can choose, I will probably choose wicca as my religion as it makes more sense to me... Okay so my point is, despite not being extremely religious, I still believe in signs.

Signs, something that tells me what I should or should not do. They appear in the most random manner; things I come across by chance, an advice from a friend and so on. This time, it appeared in the form of Chris' tarot readings..

After my appeals got rejected, I was feeling lost and unsure. I did have a Plan B, and that is to go private uni. However with that brings monetary problems. I have two choices; go James Cook study psychology for 56k++ or go RDI study graphic design for 64k++. My dream is to study design of course, psychology only comes second place. But bestfriend had once said that however much we wanna fight to fulfill our dreams, it will still come at a price (not refering to money here) and how much we are willing to give up.. So Im giving up the idea of studying graphic design at RDI because I know that my family could barely afford the 56k++, not to say 64k++. Still, I was filled with doubt, dont know if psychology is something I can handle, dont know what happens after I get my degree and have to pay a fuckload of debts..

This brings us back to Chris' tarot readings.. What I learn from it is that, whatever decision I make, I should just go for it and trust myself. With that in mind, I finally told my mother about the unsuccessful appeal (I didnt dare to initially) and we had a long talk. So it seems that my family monetary problems is kind of serious, added to that are some other OMGWTF problems that I only just found out. Still, my mother and I managed to work something out... I went to shower and ended up crying because I feel bad. Feel bad that my parents had to deal with this university money crap, feel bad that my testimonial isnt good enough to make my appeals work, feel bad that my art/photography isnt good enough to get accepted in NTU's ADM because I had everything plan out for that...

(random: my father is still being fucking irritating, he's not worth my respect.)

Despite all these shit, Im just gonna endure through it all and believe in myself. Im sure somehow things will turn out fine, though the road probably wouldnt be smooth.

Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you're still reading this, Im okay, really. Where there's a will, there's a way.