Me thinks its just a feeling. That feeling that makes you think "This is right."

I have said that hope is a terrible thing but I realized that's because you have expectations. Expectations are bad. You cant expect or predict what will happen because life will just surprise you anyway. Sometimes I wish certain things could be easier, imagine life like The Sims, one click and things get done.

I dont get over things easily though, no matter how hopeless it may be.

We shall see.

It is not going anywhere because in a tennis match there has to be volley for the game to continue. Nobody gets anywhere when one side just decide to let the ball fly past without doing anything.

If you can look inside my brain now, you would think I'm crazy because I'm sure that if I do look, I will think that way too.

How do you break down brick walls and not startle whats behind it?

Oh.

Hypnotise me into forgetting?

?

Anxiety.

Tinge of fear.

Lots of uncertainty.

"You are in an art school. Use your creativity!"

Sometimes when lecturer starts saying the obvious, it makes me feel like punching something. But because its the truth, I get even more annoyed. RAWR.

I told myself I must start work at 12midnight and I've not even touch them yet. Geez.

A good thing that was said, "It's really up to you to have fun and enjoy this specialism project."

I fidget. I open my mouth. I stutter. I go "UMMMMM.."

It's like I try to start from the beginning, which I termed "the triggers", but along the way things changed and there's a whole lot more factors that affect the outcome and then things are different again and it becomes a cycle of some sort.

I think I've found the most simplified yet appropriate answer though.

I'm an escapist and that's that.

Well okay, on the other hand I'm really excited about going to Arts Management because hopefully I can get in touch with the arts scene better. Then there's new course mates, whom I sincerely hoped ain't too bitchy and are fun people because seriously guys, after that H-Drama, I've had ENOUGH of drama, all that pointless hatred and false fronts. Anyway, not that she will see this, but here's a big FUCK YOU to you H, for making my life miserable and cheers to Karma, for making sure that sincerity always wins and truths prevail.

The evidence of how big an impact assessment had on my life can be seen from the state my bedroom is currently in. Papers, plastic, glue, tape, paint and numerous art supplies and sketchbooks, presentation boards, reference books.. EVERYWHERE. It's quite scary actually. For the time being, I've chosen to ignore their existence. But not for long of course. I want to pack my books, sketchbooks and materials properly, because next term will be a new start.

Though this 3 terms of foundation had been hell, I've had such a great time. Living art, breathing art. People think art is easy, it's not. Nothing is ever easy. I will miss the entire process of developing my idea into a full blown artwork because I'm not gonna be a designer nor a fine artist. I'm gonna be an arts manager. Instead of churning out 50 sketches of a proposed design, I will be typing out proposals for events and the likes. No more of lecturers looking at my paintings and giving me a grade based on my techniques. Within me though, I'm still an artist. Though I've chosen to proceed down a career path that will take me away from paint & brushes, I swear that I'm never ever gonna stop creating. I understand the frustration, the misery, the grueling hours spent on perfecting a piece of artwork and I believe this gives me the connection to and the understanding of the artists I will someday manage. Dreams can be a reality. The reality of dreams.

I have not set proper resolutions for this year, though essentially I'm always working towards the same goal. To be a better person and to live life to the fullest. To exercise more falls somewhere there as well. This year, I'm hoping to learn more new things, such as roller derby, ukelele, an European language and..stuff I cant remember now. I want to get more tattoos, and possibly piercings as well. Sometimes I dont understand when people ask me why, why do I want to get a tattoo, why do I do this. WHY NOT? Cant people just accept the fact that sometimes we just FEEL like doing it? I'm not freaking 7years old, I'm fully aware of the consequences that I will have to live with. So if you dont understand it, dont insult it please. Just be happy that I'm happy.