30/3/12

i regretted my decision the moment i stepped out of your gate & heard the resounding clang of your door closing. the sound of a closed door always add a level of finality. in that second when i took another step towards the lift & away from you, i wanted to turn & run back towards you. the air condition in your room is always much too cold for me, but it's a handy excuse for snuggling among your sheets or stealing your Greendale Community College hoodie, just to have your smell around me. besides, who is afraid of the cold when there's someone around to cuddle hurhurhur.

(stabs of guilt even as i recall these mundane details. Unacceptable Thoughts, i imagined how you would feel if you happened to chance upon this. i scared also.)

the clash of thunder outside shakes its fist at us threateningly, but we're cooped up in your room, warm & safe. kat barged in, headfirst, like an angry little beast, seeking refuge from the brewing storm. i rested my head on your shoulder, my face mere inches from your neck. impulses kicked in, a dozen fire alarms going off at the same time in my head. i took a soft intake of breath, the smell of fresh clean laundry filled my nostrils, the smell of you. i wasn't in the most comfortable of positions but who cares, i do not want any negative spaces between us.

(it is your best friend whom i'm suppose to be developing feelings for, damnit. but life is full of surprises.)

i could go on and on and on and i guess i will. your silliness as you bustled around the room while i flopped on the floor. you deliberately opened the wardrobe's door even as my head was in the way and conveniently pushed me to one side, with the door. how stupid i must have looked but i didnt care (not very much at least) as a smile creeped across your face & you "hmph" at me. when we spent close to an hour in Muji, examining almost every object as if they were precious artifacts, testing the comfort level of their furniture & reaching a consensus that the ground-level chair is zee best. you plonked yourself on it, & gestured me to do the same. yes, we could both lounged comfortably on that chair & read a book. how incredibly ideal this image is, in my head.

(you happened to me)

the familiar foretelling beep of an electronic tune

two ends of a linear line, converged at a point

passer-by frowned at me grinning at my screen

but it was your pixelated face that i was happy to see

you raged about how ridiculous life was

i listened & made little notes in my head

your hair was a palette of mismatched gold & yellow

i said that aloud & you growled at me

"i will dye them purple tonight"

we exchanged updates on our lives

mundane moments suddenly leveled up

promises dealt out carelessly like a deck of cards

i hurriedly kept them in my shirt pocket

where it's the closest to the heart

a fury of movement

you scampered off to get the door

a hasty goodbye

till the next, i guess.