I dont know where we stand. I dont know where I stand. I feel like you're still testing the waters while I've already made a reckless dive into the deep. Today you saw how weak I am, like physically because I cant win you when we wrestle and I've an extremely bad sense of balance. Sometimes I wonder if I'm okay with people knowing these, the flawed parts. I dont even know?! You said, "we are very different" and I was shouting loudly inside my head, "IS IT A GOOD OR A BAD THING??" Labels, labels, labels, how I hate them. Why do we have to put a name to everything and cant we just forget about these words and rely on the feeling? How do we know when it is enough? Because I'm really trying very hard. I just dont know if its enough. I dont even know why I'm feeling like this, maybe because I've having expectations despite me telling myself that I really mustnt?? I want to ask you, because I cant read people well and I need some answers but it doesnt feel right to ask such questions. I dont know, it feels great and then it feels weird and then it feels great again and it becomes a cycle. It's like you're waiting for me to make a move and then I dont know which move I should make.

Okay fuck it. I'm going to sleep.