Like oh my fucking gawd, I swear my heart jumped to my throat as a hundred of wild images and thoughts swirled through my mind like a hurricane.

Well, still have no idea what my first friend wants to talk to me about but the second one wasnt really much so it was fine. Though right now my heart is still beating rather fast, I'm just gonna blog to calm down a bit.

I guess the reason why my anxiety level just shot through the roof is because I'm afraid of losing something which could potentially cripple my heart. The thing is, I'm not even sure if I have it in the first place, so technically you cant lose something you dont have. The most fucked up thing is, I'm already preparing myself for the worst because that is how little faith I have in this. I want to be wrong, that what I'm thinking are just projections of my insecurities and that it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm actually having more conversations with _'s friends than _; or that _ always seems to be lost in own head, thinking about a million of things that made a silent buzz around us; or that _ is just plain bored with me because Im not interesting enough.

SEE? I DONT FUCKING KNOW?? Yes I know I should totally ask _ but school's starting and like, there just isnt any opportunities to talk about stuff like this...

Oh well, we shall see how it goes. I guess right now I just have to keep reminding myself to be contented with those happy feelings I get whenever I'm with _.