Reach the sky;

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I was upset over something. It's like little little baby incidents could trigger a landslide of feelings. They can be rather overwhelming, imagine a big snowball of mixed feelings rolled into one and it came crashing onto you before you can even blink. Yeah.

So this song perfectly describes how I felt.

I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

- Down, Jason Walker

Then _ texted me and said something silly and there I sat on my dirty bedroom floor grinning like an idiot at my phone. Yes, it takes that little to make me happy again. I feel like a psychopath, with these emotions going up and down and up and down and how sometimes they can stay for quite a while and sometimes they changes as quick as a snap.

It drives me crazy because sometimes _ acts like it doesnt matter to _, that I'm out partying at PLAY, that I'm checking out ahem ahem with David, that some girl (my classmate lah) is coming over to my house, how _ tells me to "HAVE FUN! ENJOY YOURSELF!" So what does this means? Maybe _ really doesnt care, maybe _ didnt think that we're exclusive so like whatever, we should have our own fun as much as we can????? So at the end of the day, what are WE? Friends? Cuddle-buddies? Entertainment for each other when we're bored?

Or that _ cares too much that _ had to pretend that _ doesnt give a fuck because _ doesnt want to make _self vulnerable & be hurt again?? Or am I kidding myself because I want _ to care??

I DONT KNOW. See? Analyzing and trying to figure _ out drives me crazy and make me feel so damn tired. If only life is straightforward, but nothing is ever in black and white.