Because of her, I've been experiencing all sorts of emotions and feelings, they smash into me at the most unexpected timings, their impact momentarily stun me into stillness. Tracing each decision paths back slowly & wondering how different things would have been, if I had not met N on tumblr, if I had not became good friends with N, if I had not accidentally blurt out that N was underage to C, if N had not wanted to go to PLAY on the night C was working, if I had not felt so damn guilty that I rushed down to meet N, if we had not been sitting by the roadside waiting & hence met her.. Life is strange.

I told her that our friendship is more important than anything else and even though we're in this gray area between friends & lovers, I told her that we should just appreciate each other's company and she agreed that we should just go with the flow. What's gonna happen, I dont even dare to guess. I think ultimately, the goal is to be happy, whether it's with each other or with someone else.

I think after that night, she seems to trust me more & now I'm happy again. How strange a person could have such a hold on me & that I would actually care that much about her. Slightly wiser than before, I'm no longer stumbling blindly with my hands tied to the sides.