Also, I asked will my feelings be reciprocated and he said that there's a high possibility but it's a "transformative process which will take months". She will be "hard to get" but I have the "creativity" that will win her over and by using that, she will gradually be intrigued by me.

I know, I know, how reliable can tarot readings be right. But I like to take them as food for thought and also like I said, some sort of reassurance. Months, he said. So many months of trying, of doing everything I can, but always never the right girl. My room is filled with corpses of things that I bought, with the intention of giving to the ones I had loved but never had a chance to. Such things, scattered forlornly in dusty corners, have so much memories and emotions clinging on to them that I can never bear to do more than stubbornly disregard their existence.

Sometimes I wish falling in love could really be instantaneous, like a polaroid, just to save trouble and the heartaches for later. But of course that's bullshit, it just doesnt happen for me. It's always been the little quirks and things that attract me and make me fall in love with the girl. Her shy & embarrassed looks when I returned her something that she dropped, her peculiar "system" of organizing and listening to music, her panicky loud shriek when she realized that she left her vibrator out & I was just right there (lol @ this 4ever), her love for her cat, the lines and contours on her face when she spoke of serious issues, when she meow at me randomly with those curious eyes, when she does her "black man" imitations, the fact that she has an alter ego all made up(@_@), how she has her escape route and plans mapped out in case of a zombie apocalypse(we both take this very seriously okay).... actually there's a lot more & I could go on and on but I think I've already said enough. I think it's quite obvious that I really miss her.

Dear Goddess Oracle, all my past readings done by you had been veryyy accurate and I sincerely hope that you're right once more about this girl. If there should be a day when she agrees to be my girlfriend, I will cry tears of joy and; buy you Lao Ban beancurd.

Today my friend said to me, "dont get too upset." The other said, "I think she didnt mean anything kissing someone else." I know, I know, of course I know. But how am I suppose to NOT be affected by that sort of information?! How am I suppose to block out these bitter feelings?!

-gives sian face-